Big Sister
I can’t believe how much I love Sylvie. Granted, a Sylvan Learning Center commercial can bring me to tears but I have been so overwhelmed with emotion for my first born girl - I am really surprised. I gaze at the black and while photo strips of her on the fridge and start crying, those photos have been there for two years. I help her change in to her pajamas and teary-eyed, tell her how much I love her. I see a new look on her face as she discovers that feelings are complicated. The first few days in the hospital were really hard – I missed her terribly. As she was getting shuffled between grandparents and friends, I started to feel like her world had turned and I wanted her home with us. Once we did get home, I couldn’t really be with her because I was barely able to walk and was feeding all the time. Now that I have recovered, I can tickle her and read to her and tell her how much she means to me. I am SO thrilled that she is the only girl in the family. She will always be my favorite girl.The Bris
Of course the day before thanksgiving is busy for everyone. Not the best day to have a Bris but then again, one week before, we knew it was coming. However, meeting with the Rabbi the night before, he thought that the baby looked a little yellow. We went directly to the doctor and waited for an hour because we had to get squished in at the end of a busy day. The idea of calling off the bris was feeling pretty good for me, not so much for my mom and Joey’s mom who had done all of the planning and cooking. The doctor thought he looked fine so we called off the calling off.
We showed up at the same time as guests and seeing my Aunt and Uncle who had driven two hours to get there at 9AM brought me to tears. I did manage to say hi to some people and give hugs but I felt really strange leaving the baby in the car seat on the table like a new piece of sculpture for all to admire. I took the baby upstairs as the Rabbi started to chant and spent a few minutes deep breathing. It worked, and I was not crying as I carried Leon down the stairs, past family and friends and into the arms of his grandparents. They passed him around and handed him off to the Rabbi. I grabbed my Grandmother’s (Leon’s Great grandmother) hand and squeezed it tight for the next 20 minutes which seemed like three days and 15 hours.
Joey was so strong. He looked like a real dad with a son, all dressed up in a suit and talit and smiling from ear to ear. He kneeled down and helped the rabbi and his father hold the baby. He was right there when the rabbi did the same thing that was done to him, his father and all of the men in his family for the last 5000 years. An amazing moment in time on the continuum of our families.
It was great to see the pride and joy in the faces of my father and Joey’s father. Holding the baby during the Bris, Eddie was a critical part of the procedure getting a close up view of what happens. My father held the baby during the naming prayers and beamed the whole time. At the end of the ceremony, we all gathered around the baby arm in arm as the Rabbi wished the best wishes on our family and this new little boy. Then we all ate, including Leon who was a little distressed at that point. He has survived nicely and I look forward to never having to do that again. Big thanks to my mother and Marguerite who are classy and can throw a really nice Bris!
Baby time
Nursing is hard work. It feels constant and it slows life WAY down. At the same time it is such a unique phase of life that I can’t help savoring it even though my breasts are angry and screaming in pain some of the time.
The rest of baby time is amazing. Sitting around with a little person on your shoulder breathing in your ear, watching the total lack of bodily control as he swipes himself in the face, seeing him in the arms of his big sister – all of it is love, love, love. I am constantly worried about him catching a cold so I make everyone wash their hands and we are running out of anti-bacterial soap. At three in the morning I am sitting in bed nursing and staring off into space wondering about where he will go to college or whether or not we will have to buy him a gameboy. I want to go outside but I don’t because it is cold and raining and why would I take a warm little pocket person into that kind of environment?
Family
Today I wrote a thank you card to a friend and signed all of our names – Love, Molly, Joey, Sylvie and Leon. “We have a big family now”, I said to Joey. I feel complete and warm and like we take up more room on the planet. I am also apprehensive about the future and what the world will be like for my kids.
My dad kissed me on Thanksgiving and then he came back in for three more kisses. This is how my dad has treated me my whole life and I am so glad for it. After 35 years of thinking he was just a really affectionate person I now I know EXACTLY why he does that. I can’t even look at my kids without wanting more and more kisses – and more and more and more and more and more….
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